WHEN MY PARTNER IS POLARISED, INTEGRATION WILL TAKE ME TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL


All healing at some level has to do with integration - recovering the hidden and fragmented parts of ourself, and integrating them. In a relationship when we are polarised, our partner is expressing something that is calling us to integrate, calling us to go to a higher level. When we integrate an opposite, we do not get any of its negative aspects, we only receive its power and energy. The integration always shows itself in the highest possible form, containing both our energies; hence, each of us feels we have succeeded.


Today, see yourself actually holding miniaturised forms of your partner in one hand and you in the other; your partner represents one part of the truth, you the other part. Now melt them both down to their pure energy so you are just holding two hands full of energy and light - the most basic building block of the Universe. Notice, there is no difference between the energy in one hand and the energy in the other. Now as you bring your hands together so your fingers interlock, the energies join together into one form. You may see a new image, a new symbol, and a new way begin to emerge out of all that energy, or it may stay as a glowing form of energy. Allow all this newness to come into your life, joining you and your partner.

IF ANYONE IS THE BAD GUY, EVERYONE LOSES


Whenever we judge someone to be the bad guy, we go into power struggle with them; we avoid them or attack them, even if only in our mind. We set up a struggle in which we are trying not to be affected by them, or we are trying to beat them. Anywhere someone loses, whether they lose or we lose, we have all lost. We have created a situation where somebody has to pay the bill. Guess who it is going to be? This judgement is actually just a way of hiding things that need to be handled or communicated. It is a projection of our own self-judgement. As we are willing to look beyond "good guys - bad guys," and move beyond our competition to understand, there is a place, paradoxically enough, where both of us could be satisfied - now and in the future.


Today, choose for everyone to win. Close your eyes, relax, and think of the person you are judging. Who is it that you believe is wrong? Who is it that you believe is the bad guy? Ask the part of your mind that has all the answers to take care of this problem, and to show you that paradoxical way that everyone can win, not only now, but also throughout eternity. Do not stop until everyone can win.

ALL SACRIFICE IS UNWORTHINESS


Sacrifice comes from the illusion that if we give up our own self, we can let the other person carry us forward. We are willing to do anything for a person just so we can use their selfhood for our sense of identity. All sacrifice is unworthiness. It cheats our partner as well as ourself because we cannot receive their gifts, and they get what we consider to be damaged goods, something picked up at the discount counter. As we value ourself, we find we are creative enough to reach a solution without having to give up our position or our selfhood.


Today is a day to begin to value yourself and find your true centre. Choose to live your truth rather than someone else's. Ask your Higher Mind to carry you back to your centre. It is a place of peace, innocence, true value and relatedness. Give yourself the most valuable gift of all - you.

TO THE EXTENT I AM INDULGENT IS TO THE EXTENT I AM IN SACRIFICE


When we indulge we are compensating for all the sacrifice we are doing. If we were just truly giving, we would have to be truly receiving. There would be no need to indulge - with food, work, sex, alcohol, drugs, etc. - which wears us out as much as our sacrifice does. A vicious cycle of indulgence/sacrifice is set up as we indulge, then feel guilty we have indulged, and then go into sacrifice to make up for the guilt. The cycle repeats as we burn out from the sacrifice, because we then feel it's okay to indulge ourself and do exactly what we want, with a certain level of rebellion or resentment toward those to whom we feel in sacrifice.


Today, look at the areas where you have indulgences or addictions. Are you a workaholic? Are you a foodaholic? Take a clear look at where you feel you are not in the centre of your own life. Where you are not in the centre, where you are not being true to yourself, you are in sacrifice. Come to the centre of your life, and move out of the indulgence and sacrifice. Imagine there is a centre in you. What percentage from 0 - 100 did you get off your centre? (Usually readings of 30% - 80% reflect heavy sacrifice, while 80% - 100% reflect self destructiveness in the cycle of sacrifice and indulgence.) What experience took you off your centre? Go back there now, and choose, once again, to centre yourself. At this point, from your centre, you can give the gift that the people around you really need. This gift is part of who you are.

BEING A ROCK MEANS NEVER HAVING TO SAY I AM SORRY


Rocks hate guilt. They hate guilt because they feel so guilty. They believe that somewhere in their lives they have totally blown it and they have not really forgiven themselves for it. This is why they are out to save the world - to make up for their guilt. They feel as if they have made such a big mistake that they need to sacrifice themselves, but because of the inner guilt, whatever sacrifice they make is never enough. Rocks hate apologising because it feels as if they are admitting how incredibly guilty they feel inside. Swamps are always apologising and abasing themselves. They do not feel that they have done something wrong, but that something is wrong with them. This is why they could not receive all of the love and attention they felt they needed as a child, and why they feel that they never get enough love now. No matter how much the rock sacrifices or gives to them, it is never quite enough to reassure them. Swamps are also really good at communicating what is not working, so they are good at complaining or criticising. Rocks hate criticism, however, and will tend to overwork or learn things overmuch just so they will not be criticised. For swamps, however, nothing is ever quite good enough. Rocks are always playing "rock-man-enough", trying to prove to the world how they survived in spite of how tough it was, sometimes doing stupid thing in testing their limits because they are trying to prove themselves to get over the basic guilt. Their motto is, "No matter how hard it is, I can take it." Swamps can't take anything. If they get complaints or criticism, they tend to fold, disappear, run away or go into even more swamp-like behaviour. As we begin to understand the differing communication styles, we can see how it is a perfect situation for mutual misunderstanding. In recognising that we have found our natural partner, we can embrace what we are missing, embrace our partner and move ourself, our partner, and our relationship forward.


Today, spend time appreciating your partner. They have to act out what you are missing. The swamp's super-sensitivity makes up for the rock's lack of sensitivity. To the extent the rock is out of touch, the swamp will complain about everything. Together, you can really balance and move forward. You can bring humour into the situation as you understand each other and the role that each of you has played. Now, it is time to move out of these roles, and find a communication style that works much better for both of you. Editor's Note: "Rock" and "swamp" are terms used by Dr. Spezzano to describe two completely different styles of communication in relationship. Refer to Lesson 276.

A ROLE IS THE COSTUME FOR AN UNMOURNED LOSS


If we do not deal with our losses by experiencing all the feelings, we do not make a new beginning. Instead, we costume the loss with the role of dependence, independence or being the untrue helper. If because of this loss we take on the role of dependence, we will now act very needy, but the role itself does not allow us to receive. If we adopt the independent role, we act as if the loss did not matter to us and that we do not care. Saying we do not care, though, really hints of how much we do care. If we mask this unmourned loss with the role of the untrue helper, we are always helping everyone with their pain, but covering up our own. Somehow, this never quite helps us move forward because we limit our capacity to help others.


Today, take a look at what you have used to move away from your old losses. Are you in a state of dependence, independence, or in the helping role? What is the loss you have not recovered from? Allow yourself to feel the feelings of loss, not as the adult you are, but as the child inside who still mourns that loss. Allow yourself, as that child, to finish the mourning process, and birth inside you what this role has hidden. As you are willing to move past your roles and allow this birth to take place, you will move forward and have a greater capacity to help others in your life.


http://www.gaia-mind.com/interact/hurts/

ABUNDANCE IS THE RESULT OF WILLINGNESS TO RECEIVE

We say that we desire certain things that we do not have. When we look into our mind, however, we realise that what we lack, we do not want. We do not want it because, for some reason, we are afraid to have it. For example, if we believe that a good person should not be rich, abundant, or have too much sexual satisfaction, we will either be good without the riches, or bad with abundance. The fear is stronger than having abundance because our belief says that it is bad. The more we complain about not having what we think we want, the more we are actually afraid of having it. If we check out our belief system and fear level, we may be kidding ourself about what we say we really want. The problem is with neither the situation, nor is it another person. It is with ourself. The willingness to change our attitude, have courage and open ourself to a new level, find our hidden fears, and look at our belief systems allows us to see and let go of what is stopping our abundance. Somewhere we have valued an idea or a certain feeling (maybe guilt, maybe fear) more than what we think we want.

Today, let the negative beliefs that stop you from what you want come to your mind. Let go of whatever belief or feeling stands in the way of your receiving. Imagine yourself being filled with what you want.