SWAMPS WANT WHAT ROCKS GET, BUT CANNOT RECEIVE


When situations in a relationship polarise, rocks tend to give to everybody else what a swamp needs the most. Swamps have natural compassion because of their sensitivity. Rocks receive a certain acclaim or acknowledgement from the world around them because of their natural generosity. This acclaim, however, rolls off their back, because rocks do not want to put their faith in something that might change. As children, rocks were happy, then all of a sudden something happened, and their whole world came crashing down; they do not tend to trust all the nice things that are said to them, all the compliments they are given. Swamps, of course, would love to receive this kind of acknowledgement and recognition, but they are afraid of moving out to others because they fear being overwhelmed with everyone else's feelings. Swamps do not seem to have natural boundaries; they not only feel their own feelings, which are almost too much, but they can also feel and resonate with what everybody else is feeling. While swamps are supersensitive, rocks have become impervious because at some early date they felt intruded upon, and emotionally raped. Rocks tend to be as impervious as possible to both the joy of giving and to someone trying to take, to whether they are receiving compliments or criticism. Swamps on the other hand are supersensitive. They revel in a good complement, and love to be appreciated. A little appreciation goes a long way with a swamp, whereas criticism hits them hard. They have no ability to distance themselves from criticism; they do not know what belongs to the criticiser and what would be really helpful for them, as swamps, to acknowledge. There is then a tendency to attack back or abase themselves. It gets truly overwhelming, so swamps tend to limit themselves in their giving to other people.


Today, if you are a swamp, give what you want for yourself. If you want recognition, give it. This will help you feel satisfied. If you are a rock, do not distrust what is being given. Rather than believing it is merely a way of trapping you, instead, be willing to let it come deep inside you. You can be aware when others move from a mode of giving, to one of giving-to-take. Then, at that moment, you can communicate your own natural boundaries, rather than feel like the clam is being shucked out of you. Editor's Note: "Rock" and "swamp" are terms used by Dr. Spezzano to describe two completely different styles of communication in relationship. Refer to Lesson 276.

EMOTIONAL PAIN CAN BE AN EXCELLENT TEACHER


If we do not avoid emotional pain or do not try to run away from it, we use it as our teacher. When we avoid emotional pain, we are avoiding certain lessons for our growth. Our willingness to have the courage to feel the emotional pain, to feel through it, allows us to see what it wants to teach us, and what it wants to give us. As we feel it all the way through, it disappears. To take this new attitude toward emotional pain allows us to move into certain situations that we would otherwise avoid, and to see the resolution of situations where we would otherwise create attack or avoidance.


Today, take a new attitude toward pain. Be willing to face the feelings that are inside you, and those coming toward you. Know that your willingness gives you a certain responsiveness and strength that, somehow, have felt missing. Use emotional pain as your teacher; it will be a kind teacher, if you do not resist it.

IF THE PAST IS UNFINISHED, GHOSTS OF OLD RELATIONSHIPS WILL COME TO HAUNT ME IN THE PRESENT


Everything we have not finished with our parents, siblings, or other significant relationships will interfere with our present relationship. We bring every unlearned lesson forward to be learned now in our present relationship. The healing in our present relationship, heals past relationships and we can see them in another light. Sometimes, it is easier simply to make contact with these significant people, understanding the old situation in the light of maturity, letting go of the problem, and moving forward. When the old ghosts are dispersed, the blessings and good times of the past will empower you.


Today is a day for finishing old business. Contact anyone with whom you have outstanding feuds or misunderstandings. Be willing to reach out and take the next step, apologising where necessary in order to move forward. Healing can take place even if the person has died. Just imagine them present, and speak to them, or if you prefer, write a letter to them to clear up the old business.

EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENS IN A RELATIONSHIP HAS TWO SOURCES


Many times we hold grievances against our partners because we believe they did something to us. As we become familiar with our subconscious mind, we realise no one is doing anything to us that we are not already doing to ourself. Everything that happens in a relationship is a form of collusion. When a relationship gets ready to end, at some level, both people are choosing for it to end. At a subconscious level, they are choosing who's going to be the independent one, the bad guy, and who's going to be the dependent one, who carries the heartbreak or dependence. Both people choose the role they can best use to end the relationship. Everything that happens is the result of choice.


Today, consider three situations you think you did not want to happen. Take the first situation and imagine for a moment that you did actually want it to happen. Now you know you did not want it consciously, but given all the circumstances, the reason it happened is that a part of you chose it as the very best way for you. Talk to that part of you. Find out what was going on that led you to make the choice you did. What was the purpose behind the event? What did it allow you to do? What did you not have to do? Just pretend you are that part. Listen to what comes to your mind, and you will find the underlying motivation for your co-creation of that event. It is time to let all that go and move forward so you can be happier in your present relationship.

2666

WHEN MY HEART IS BREAKING, GIVING CREATES NEW BIRTH


Heartbreak contracts us and shuts us down. At the point of heartbreak, we can take all that feeling moving through us, and if we choose to give, our heart and consciousness begin expanding. As we give through the heartbreak, all the ancillary feelings of despair, futility, uselessness, loneliness, emptiness, and jealously begin to heal, just through the giving. Giving through heartbreak creates a high stage of consciousness and a great deal of love. Our willingness to keep giving transforms us. Instead of having to go through all the pain of heartbreak, we create an easy birth. When our heart is breaking, to totally give as much as we can, saves our life, transforms the pain, wins back the part of our broken heart from the past, and saves us a great deal of time.


Today, in any situation where there is any kind of hurt, just be in service or give through it, and find yourself easily moving to a new birth.

THE NEED TO DOMINATE COMES FROM FEAR


Whenever we are in a situation where we are trying to dominate, or someone is trying to dominate us, it probably comes from the frightened child within. When someone is trying to dominate us, we are being asked to respond as if they were a frightened child. If we respond to that need by reassuring and supporting, we won't end up feeling like we are oppressed. If we are the one trying to dominate, there is a part of us that is feeling frightened. If we were to communicate our fear, it would not only be a relief of the fear for us, it would also be a great gift for the other person. Communication, reaching out, and forgiveness can heal the fear. It is a great gift for the other person, as well.


Today, in every situation where you notice that you are dominating, communicate your fear to the person you are oppressing. Communication heals the fear. In every situation where another is dominating you, reach out and respond to that person as if they were a frightened child. Reaching out heals the fear. In every situation that shows itself as domination, reach out, communicate, and forgive both the other person and yourself.

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in ponoči so vse krave črne  

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to je izkustveno vedenje


(kar pa za bolj zelena pokopališča ne drži)